The reason I do not have social skills

I have been asked so many times why I don’t really talk in social settings. So, here’s the truth.

I have very bad anxiety.

When I am in a setting with a lot of people I get nervous and sometimes panic. It’s not that I don’t want to talk but a lot of the time, it’s like my brain shuts off. Sometimes I get so anxious I have to leave the room. It happens at parties quite often, so I don’t like to go to them anymore. People assume I’m bored but in reality, it’s because my anxiety gets out of control.

When I was in school and the teachers would come and watch me do my work, I’d freeze. I would stop until they left because I couldn’t concentrate knowing someone is looking over my shoulder. In one of my classes, I would hide it really well by acting really sassy. I had a class with a friend and we talked all the time. Whenever the teacher told us to be quiet I wouldn’t listen. Then the teacher tried to separate us but all I did was turn around. The teacher even took it to the level of threatening to call my mom, to which I said: “I don’t care she won’t do anything”. Little did she know, my mom would have been very angry to get a call like that.

About a year or so ago, I tried a special needs bowling league but I ended up quitting. Why did I quit? I ended up having an emotional break down in the bowling alley because there were too many people around me. That isn’t what I told people but that’s what happened. Maybe one day I will be able to go to social events and actually enjoy it. It is really difficult to explain to people the reason you don’t want to go to events without sounding like a total jerk. Some people don’t understand why I bail, but most of the time its better if I don’t go. If I went with someone to an event, it’s usually not fun unless my friend stays with me the whole time. Chances are that won’t be the case.

Being social is something that is really hard for me to do. I may not come up to you and start a conversation, but if you start one with me I will happily talk to you. Right now, I can’t go to social events and have fun, but I am working on it.

I am working on my anxiety through yoga and meditation. It helps me relax when I am feeling anxious. I have made some progress but there is still a lot to be made. You are probably wondering if it’s as bad as I say it is why don’t I go to counseling? Honestly, because I don’t think talking about my anxiety with another person will help. Also, I think I can overcome it on my own, it’s just may take longer.

I’ve learned a lot about managing my anxiety, but if you have any tips that have helped you please leave them in the comments below! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

2 thoughts on “The reason I do not have social skills

  1. You know , I could really relate with this one. I get very anxious as well. I recall a time at church when we came in a the band was practicing. We had about and hour and a half before the service started. Pastor Scott asked Aunt Steph and I if we would read some special thing they had. We said sure..Although I was reluctantly saying sure…Anyways…Practise ended , I was doing a few thing with the sound board , and after awhile the service was getting ready to start. My stomach was starting to tie up in knots…..I was asking my inner self “Are you sure you want to do this?” …I started to sweat….Anxiety level was on high!….Anyways , service started , the worship band was up there playing..(Aunt Steph on background vocals). etc , etc…..I knew after the third song it was my que to walk up to the front and read….I was standing in the back….Looking up to the front , pacing back and forth…..I literally was thinking of different ways I could get out of this….I even thought about simply leaving……yes , that bad….anyways….The third song started…I walked up to the third pew from the front and sat on the end…..I was very anxious….Song ends….I get up…..walk about next to Aunt Steph….I take the prepared words and start reading…..with no problem at all…..what the heck was I so anxious for….? Yes , I learned that it wasnt near as bad as I thought it was going to be, No , I still get anxious , but I’ve just come to deal with it as best I can… Great words of wisdom you wrote…..
    Love Uncle Spike

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My dear Sarah. All of us have anxiety from time to time. I have had to speak to large groups of people. When I got nervous, I would take a deep breath to relax. I also remembered that those people were there to hear me and I was the expert. I like to meditate to “center” myself. Sometimes, just sitting outside on a nice day and breathing is the best way to clear my head. Continue with yoga and deep breathing exercises. Change is not easy, but the courage to change is the prize. Love you.


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